The Good Girl Gone Blog

An abstract photo of the Boston skyline...or the synapses in my brain when it goes into "analyze mode"

I went on a date Saturday night with a really nice guy. He was cute, polite and actually smart. He picked me up and paid for dinner like a true gentleman. His music taste didn't suck. We even discussed and laughed about my anxiety dreams.

The date went well and there were no major glitches. Dinner was good and the conversation fairly constant....

Yet, when we pulled up to my building, I unbuckled my seat belt and went directly for the car door. Instead of feeling the urge to lean in for a goodnight kiss, I felt like I had to get out. In fact, all I wanted to do was run back to my apartment, curl up in my bed and write. Though I really wanted to enjoy our date  (I put on a cute top and everything!), I kept waiting for it to be over. There was absolutely nothing wrong with this boy...yet I still felt the need to end the date early: no, I was too full to get ice cream, but thank you so much for offering!

(Note: as soon as I got home, I started craving ice cream.)

How the heck did I sit across from this boy, smiling constantly and staring into his gorgeous blue eyes, yet only listen to half of the things he said? Though my head kept nodding and my mouth kept smiling, my thoughts were elsewhere.

There was no spark this time, no desire to learn more, to stretch the date out as long as possible or to feel his fingers in my hair. I want to find that spark again, and I want it to be amazing. I miss that. Where is the spark?