Was it love? June 23, 2009

Let me first preface this post by saying I'm not an emotional wreck. I'm doing my best to deal with a tough situation. This is the summer of Alana...

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I had my heart broken recently, at least, I think I did. I fell for a guy who was practically perfect. He's charming and kind, funny and cute. Oh yeah, he's my best friend, or at least, he was. Everything was fine until we tried to turn our friendship into something more. The whole situation made me slightly uncomfortable. I was confused. I didn't want to ruin the friendship, but I felt myself falling for him. We both kept changing our minds- he wanted a relationship, I didn't. I wanted a relationship, he didn't. We were out of sync, and things got hard.

The details aren't important, but the fact is, things are over, he's with someone new and I can't bring myself to talk to him. I feel hurt and betrayed...and completely helpless. I also feel like an idiot. I opened myself up to someone, allowed myself to be completely vulnerable, only to get hurt. I've been struggling lately, trying to mend what seems like a broken heart. But the thing is, I've never been in love before...so how am I supposed to know what it feels like? I think about him a lot, but I'm not ready to pretend nothing happened, to simply go back to being "just friends."

Maybe I fell in love with a concept, the idea that my boyfriend should be...my best friend. Was I in love, or was I just comfortable? How will I ever know?

Advice? Words of wisdom? Come on ladies, you have to be better at this than I am...