The Good Girl Gone Blog

Prologue: This post was really difficult to write. I've decided to do it anyway, because I seriously need advice.

I haven't been able to get Death Cab's The Sound of Settling out of my head. I've had a major decision on my mind, and honestly, I don't really know what to do. Let me back track.

Two Saturdays ago I was supposed to have a date with A. At 5PM, he called, supposedly to confirm the details. I of course was very excited, until he canceled on me "because he was tired." Now, that excuse seemed pretty lame to me, but I wasn't going to force him to hang out with me. He said he'd call me later in the week, and I somehow mustered an "ok, cool" even though it really wasn't cool.

I was pissed. So pissed, in fact, that I insisted on going out that night so that I wouldn't have to think about it. I didn't want to be that girl who stayed at home and moped over a guy, so I went out. Overall, it was a fun night, except for the underlying feeling that I was forcing myself to have fun despite A's flakiness.

A week goes by and he still hasn't called. I'm hurt, confused and a little annoyed, but I refuse to call him. Why should I set myself up to get hurt if he clearly doesn't want to talk to me? And then yesterday, I got to thinking- yeah, he's flaky sometimes, but an entire week? This behavior seemed out of character. Instead of being mad, I felt a little sad, and after talking it over with a friend, I decided I needed to get some kind of closure.

So I called, expecting to be sent directly to voicemail.

He picked up.

I was not prepared for that. We talked for a few minutes and pretended everything was normal, even though it most certainly was not. Somehow, our discussion finally  moved to his behavior. Why had he flaked and disappeared for a week? Because he wanted to take some time to think about things before he brought anything up to me.

Apparently, though he still wants to see me, he'd like less of a time commitment and doesn't want to be exclusive.

So now what? The ball is in my court, and I have to figure out what I'm comfortable with. I've never really done the "casual dating" thing and I'm scared shitless. If I agree to this "casual relationship" will I be setting myself up to get hurt?

Though he kept reiterating how much he did want to see me, I still feel like something is wrong. While I don't even know if I'd want to be in a serious relationship with him, I do eventually want a relationship with someone, so is agreeing to see him on his terms cheapening myself? Should I even be with a guy who apparently doesn't like me enough to want to try to make something work? Or maybe this is all he can do right now.

I'm so torn and so confused, and to be honest, I really don't want to deal with this. I'm of the mindset that if two people like each other, have good chemistry and get along, they should give it a try. It's a simple mathematical equation, so why do we need to add extra variables?

So there you go. This is part of the reason I've been so flaky lately.

So- have you done the whole "casual thing?" Help! What should I do?

Last night I met a really nice guy at a bar. He's tall, funny, sweet and a skiier. Though the conversation flowed (relatively) easily, something was missing: attraction. He wasn't bad looking, but something just wasn't right. Maybe it's because he wasn't the guy I wanted to be with last night, the guy who hasn't called me in over a week and who I'm pretty sure has removed himself from my life. Or maybe it's that he reminded me a lot of a guy from school who I'm pretty sure is gay.

Yeah, that's probably it. Everytime I looked at him, I thought- this guy is gay! I know that wasn't really fair, but I couldn't get it out of my head. Why was I wasting my time with a guy interested in...other guys?

When the night ended and he asked for my number, I was stuck. How could I not give this guy my number without seeming like a jerk? Should I have mentioned a pretend boyfriend? A fake illness? Should I have given him a fake number?

Well, I didn't do any of those things. Before we parted ways, he pulled out his phone. I grabbed it, hastily typed in my number and said I had to leave. What was I supposed to do?

Ughhh. He's really nice, but I just don't see this going anywhere. Can we just be friends? Please?

 
{Bye snow! It's almost April and I am sooo ready to whip out my favorite sundress and peep-toe heels. PS- this picture is from my birthday weekend. Thank goodness the snow has since melted.}

What a busy week! If you've noticed, I haven't really written that much about my personal life this week. Well, that's because A LOT of stuff has been going on. While I have enough blog fodder for at least 10 different posts, I think I should boil it all down to a 10-part list.

1) Things on the boy front: bad.

2) My teacher loved my Audrey Hepburn project and is putting it on display!

3) I had my much anticipated housing appointment yesterday and will be living in a brand spanking new apartment next year. I'll have my own room, a beautiful view and most importantly, a kitchen. I can't wait to start using my old recipe notebook again. It's currently somewhere at home, its chocolate spattered pages just waiting to be opened. The last time I used it was back in Israel.

4) Megan's mom gave me a box of pizzelle cookies :)

5) I met made friends with a pseudo-celebrity yesterday in class. Normally, I sit next to a really sweet girl named Tina, but yesterday there was a guy in her normal seat. I of course struck up conversation. I then found out that this kid is not only a sports model, but also spent some time on the set of  Scrubs with my favorite Jewish boy- Zach Braff! Ok, so he's probably not my favorite Jewish boy, but he is pretty funny. Oh, and I saw pictures.

6) I had a really annoying test today. I'm just glad it's over.

7) I received two packages in the mail, the first from my old high school ( a Passover survival kit) and another from TBS...as in the TV station. More on that later :)

8) My room is a mess. This only happens when I'm a) super stressed or b) super busy. This week, I was both.

9) The girl getting my coffee this morning at Starbucks greeted me by saying "Hello sir. What can I get you." I was only slightly offended. I'm pretty sure I don't look like a boy. At all. Maybe it was because I wasn't facing her, but still. Curious.

10) I learned about rosary beads from a cute Catholic boy. He also shared with me his vast knowledge of Judaism: "Wait, so on Saturday, Jews can't drive cars or watch sports, right?" Haha. Whatever, he's hot.

If Megan and I were Geese, this would be us.

A conversation with my extremely observant roommate:

M: Hey, you bought a chocolate bar. Is everything ok?
A: Yeah, of course. I just have a test to study for.
M: Oh, cause it's only the 2nd time I've ever seen you do that, and last time you were pretty upset.
A: Wait, you're absolutely right! The last time I bought chocolate I was moping about my breakup with S. And hey, it's the same kind of candy bar!
M: Yeah!
A: No worries, I'm not any more upset that usual, just annoyed about my test.

Apparently Megan really "gets" my snacking habits.

So Megan, thanks for noticing the small stuff. You're the best! Also, your blog always makes me (and my coworkers...) laugh. I particularly liked today's entry.

I'm kind of obsessed with this little kitty that my aunt sent me. He kind of reminds me of Peewee, who I affectionately refer to as Peter. This little guy sits on my igoogle homepage and purrs and meows when I  pass my mouse over him.  I sort of want you to have one too.

Click here to add him to your igoogle!  Also, what should I name him? The first thing that came to my mind was "Spam."

So I think I found a new favorite music video. Yeah, I know it's kind of old (2006), but when the song started playing on my Pandora, I totally had to look it up on YouTube.

As you'll see, the video takes place in a summer camp and is eerily similar to the movie Wet Hot American Summer, a classic film about (Jewish) summer camp. Plus, the video features pogs, some of my favorite 90's playthings!

Watch it. Love it. Try to get it out of your head.

It's 10:01 on a Monday evening and I should be working on a feature story for class. The thing is, I've been trying to work on it all day but keep almost dozing off. I blame my jam-packed weekend and the fact that I got very little sleep. I know, I know, I was always taught that you can't actually catch up on sleep, but that never really made sense to me. So, hopefully the two hour nap I took today will help.

Now, I'd share all the details of my weekend, but I have a paper to write. But you know, here are a few highlights: bonding with a new-ish friend, making the trek to an Irish Pub near Faneuil Hall, helping a boy with his March Madness picks.

{So doesn't completely fit with the story you're about to read, but I didn't have a picture of Long Island Ice Tea. In all actuality, the photo is from a DIY project Rachel and I worked on for College Candy}

Yesterday, I was reminded of one of my favorite stories from my year abroad in Israel. As I ran to Hillel for a capella practice, I saw a group of boys blocking the  door. On closer inspection, I noticed a good friend of mine, we'll call him Tim, and his friend, who we'll call Josh. But wait, what was Josh doing at my school? Was it really him and if it was, did he remember me?

I made my way over to Tim, said hello, and glanced at Josh. I assumed he wouldn't remember me, so I didn't say anything to him. But then, he looked at me, smiled and pulled me in for a big hug.

"Hi, how are you?" He asked enthusiastically.

Insert flashback here:

I was sitting in a dirty, very American bar in Jerusalem with my friends Ellie and David. I sipped a Long Island Ice Tea and ranted about my most recent ex-boyfriend. The "tea" was strong, and soon enough, the hard liquor worked its way into my system. After finishing off my drink I was pretty tipsy and very much in need of a bathroom. So, I told Ellie she had to come with me.

On the way to the bathroom, we ran into Josh. I was so excited to see him that I completely forgot my full bladder and struck up a conversation:

Alana: Josh, will you marry me.
Josh: No.

Without thinking, I smacked him. Hard. That was all it took, because after my hand made contact with the side of his face, his answer changed.

Back to the present:

"I'm great, thanks! Remember that time I drunkenly proposed to you and you said no and then I slapped you and you changed your mind. Ok cool. I have to run, I'm late for practice."

Haha thought you all would like that story. Oh, to be 18 again :)

As promised, here are some more photos (taken by my dad and Rachel L) from spring break. Enjoy!

Isn't Fell's Point Fabulous?



What the heck is a snowball, you ask. Clearly, you're not from Baltimore! A snowball is kind of like a "snow cone," but it comes in a cup, rather than a cone. Now you know.



I never realized how much street art can be found in Baltimore. Here's just one example.



You pass this jail on the drive into the city. I think the above sign is kind of funny. It's almost as great as another famous Baltimore sign.


 

If you liked yesterday's design project, then you'll love these magnificent works of art. My Aunt Sharon graciously sent me some "paint" creations made by yours truly and my little sister, Sophie. Aunt Sharon, who we used to refer to as "Tia," meaning "aunt" en espanol, says these pictures are from 7 years ago...making me an impressionable 14-year-old with "amazing" artistic skills. Enjoy!

Yeah, I thought my second year Spanish speaking abilities were pretty awesome. Haha.


Umm...she looks kind of like she's going through a goth phase. No worries, I never went through that.


Umm... I particularly love the snakey-bracelet thing. I was kind of going through a "musical theatre" stage.


I'm pretty sure this is something Sophie made. It's kind of on a different (higher) level than my pieces.

So thanks Tia for providing me with blog fodder. And keep the comments coming- I love when you leave messages on my blog! I wish I had a good picture of the two of us to post, because I sooo want to show everyone how similar we look!